Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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