All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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