so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
