Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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