she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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