i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
