just tell him i said nine months
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
