I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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