My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can you repeat that, but with context?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
