Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
one might say we're banned from that church
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
