i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
