So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
