I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
