The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
