Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
