He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
