I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
