Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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