My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
