i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
