I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
