Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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