I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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