Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
