so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
