i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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