My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
