boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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