Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
