I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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