saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
