There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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