; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
