you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Randomize
