I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
