I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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