So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
