Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
only you would photoshop your dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
