i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I party with great urgency now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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