oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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