Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can text with my tongue
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
worst night to have a conscience
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
