went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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