God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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