idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
