i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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