I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
