Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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