Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
