its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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