there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
