I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
