Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
