I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
