I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
