i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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