if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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