He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
