Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want her autograph on my taint
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I enjoy the company of your penis