Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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