I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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