I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
