Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
