this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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