Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
