The maid of honor just puked.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
