evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
