Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
