Please, let me fuck your mom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wish my penis had a tongue
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So vagazzling was a success
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
