dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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