Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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