he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
